Inuyasha is on FIRE!
by Watashi no wa Baka
Summary: Inuyasha has ADD. He discovers Kagome's Grandfather's Michael Jackson blow up doll. And its instructions. Cheap perfume? Matches? Kaede married to WHO?


Disclaimer: I do not own this. By the way, turn back now.  
  
I JUST WANTED TO HAVE SOMETHING OF A STORY UP HERE.  
  
JUST FOR KICKS MIND YOU.  
  
IF CRUDE AND VULGAR HUMOR OFFENDS YOU, THEN LEAVE NOW.  
  
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  
  
~`@`~`@`~`@`~`@`~`@`~`@  
  
Chapter One and Only  
  
Inuyasha sat on the branch outside Kagome's window. His scowl was evident on his face, but really, when was it not? Inuyasha was rather antsy to be getting a move on. Umm, well that may be a bit of an understatement actually. It seems the ADD suffering hanyou was rather adamant to be leaving. Before he became distracted.  
  
"Oi, Wench!" called Inuyasha, "Come on! We need to go look for jewel shards! You've been staring at that damn mirror for the past ten minutes! Get a move on!"  
  
But, Kagome Higorashi paid no mind to the impatient demi doggie demon outside her window. You see, Kagome is a rather vain girl. While brushing her beautiful, shinning raven locks, she discovered that she was going prematurely bald. Poor Kagome was in such a state of shock, that she didn't even notice the half demon bellyaching about his precious jewel shards right outside her opened window.  
  
Now as I mentioned earlier, Inuyasha was the poor victim of the effects of ADD, also known as attention deficit disorder. In other words, he did not have a one-track mind. On the contrary, there were numerous tracks where numerous trains, of thought mind you not the big chunky metal kind, ran rampant in the hanyou's head.  
  
Since everyone has been enlightened of the inner working of the brain of a moron with a violence issue, let's see what going to happen next.  
  
Inuyasha, clearly under the influence of this heinous disease like malfunction of the brain, (a little to redundant . . .) called ADD, decided that now was as great a time as any to get in touch with his feminine side.  
  
Of course, he didn't consciously recognize his actions as womanly.  
  
But who's to say what goes on in his subconscious?  
  
With one cautious glance at the horror struck face of the young miko inspecting her bald spot, Inuyasha jumped into Kagome's room and decided to sniff around.  
  
Sniff sniff went the little inu youkai.  
  
And Inuyasha's nose led him to Kagome's vanity. No, not what you are thinking about. You know, the little desk-like thing where ladies keep their make up and jewelry. It has a mirror? No? Oh hell, just use your imaginations!  
  
Now, can anyone tell me what dogs are famous for? No, not sniffing at unsuitable places on your person. And no, not the consumption of their own stool samples. No, canine are most famous for their curiosity.  
  
Or maybe that was cats?  
  
Oh well.  
  
Inuyasha glanced down at the curious stick like thingie with solidified red goop twisting out of the strange contraption. He had seen Kagome put some of this stuff on her lips before. So, Inuyasha started to mimic his young miko friend in exactly what she had done before.  
  
Dogs are also known for eating colorful things.  
  
And grass.  
  
Dog demons are no exceptions.  
  
After Inuyasha had succeeded in getting the red goop, otherwise known as lipstick, adorning every square centimeter of his face, (and some in his digestive system) he decided to see what was in the rest of the house. Let's just say, before I resume with my story, that our favorite hanyou would soon find some interesting stool samples of his own.  
  
Old faithful, or O' factory, whichever, led him Kagome's grandfather's room, which was locked. And for good reason. But, our favorite little demi demon had no problem with opening the door.  
  
Permanently. As in, he ripped if off its hinges.  
  
Now one might think that the old man's room might be a modest blue with sparse furnishing and half finished demon ward spread out upon the floor. Maybe even a history book or two sitting around somewhere. But, this was DEFINITELY not this case.  
  
Lime green, florescent pink, neon yellow, these were the colors that brutally assaulted the poor hanyou's precious amber eyes.  
  
Everything was so . . . bright. The walls, the carpet, the furniture, and even the life-size blow up doll of Michael Jackson was dressed in a flaming red thong. Inuyasha scratched his head thoughtfully at the balloon like plastic man-monster in the corner. Why would grandpa want something like that in his room?  
  
Inuyasha noticed a box sitting on the neon yellow table across with the picture of Michael Jackson on it. He picked it up and read the instructions.  
  
Instructions:  
  
Open box and remove "Hey Mikey" from the box  
  
Under the thong, there should be a shaft in which to blow. Take the whole of it in your mouth, and blow until the Mikey doll is completely full of air. Weird sounds from doll are normal.  
  
Plug the small hole at the tip of the staff with the rubber-like cap to prevent any unnecessary leakage.  
  
Enjoy the "Hey Mikey" doll as you see fit.  
  
Inuyasha frowned. Well, it was apparent that Kagome's grandfather had already taken care of that part. "Enjoy as you see fit?" What did that mean? Inuyasha shrugged to himself and turned the box over.  
  
Phrases in which your Mikey doll might say given the right incentive:  
  
Pop goes the weasel!  
  
But I am your daughter!  
  
Fluff my Garfield.  
  
Yeah baby, yeah!  
  
Harsh she blows!  
  
MOBY DICK!  
  
COME with me to Neverland!  
  
Hit me baby. One more time.  
  
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.  
  
Spotted Dick? Isn't that some kind of European dessert?  
  
Inuyasha frowned. Again. This era was totally confusing. Inuyasha set down the box and continued to search the room. He got a big surprise when he opened the closet.  
  
Tube tops! Mini skirts! Stilettos! Dresses of all kinds! They filled the closet and the scent of cheap two-dollar perfume tickled and teased Inuyasha's nostrils. Ashamed as he may have been if he was in his right mind, these scrumptious looking clothes appealed to him.  
  
Greatly.  
  
He picked out a beautiful, sparkly, strapless, and ruby red dress that fell to the middle of his thighs. Inuyasha then picked out a pair of neon yellow stilettos.  
  
It is also known that dogs are color blind.  
  
Inuyasha adorned the garments with the skill and adroitness that only came from years of practice. Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something about his past life. Or future life as the case may be.  
  
After using his trusty Ol' Sniffaroo, Inuyasha located the cheap two dollar perfume and commenced to soaking himself with the smelly substance.  
  
After he was good a smelly, or rather, smelling sweetly as a newly laid rat pellet, Inuyasha made his way back to his favorite little Shikon shard detector. Kagome was still staring at her bald spot.  
  
Inuyasha soon forgot about his current appearance. Remember the ADD I was telling you about? Well, Mister Bisexual over here decided to find something else to amuse himself with.  
  
On the side table beside Kagome's bed, laid a small packet of matches. Now Inuyasha had seen Kagome using these strange little sticks to start fires. How that was possible was beyond him, but Inuyasha had always, secretly of course, wanted to play with these magical sticks.  
  
And of course, he was expressively forbidden to do such a thing. So he did it anyway.  
  
Finally after about the fifteenth time, Inuyasha got one of those magical sticks to light up. Unfortunately, those sticks weren't the only ones to light up.  
  
Cheap perfume is flammable. Especially if it costs two dollars.  
  
And so ends the tale of the transsexual, transvestite, demi doggie demon. Inuyasha caught on fire that day.  
  
And well he died.  
  
The eulogy was beautiful.  
  
Kagome, free of that pesky little demon who wanted her to go walk around Feudal Japan to find some stupid jewel so that the demon could just stab her in the back when he got to have his Clay Bitch take him to Hell, decided to open a restaurant in Vatican City.  
  
She never did regain that hair.  
  
Back in Feudal Japan, Miroku was tragically sucked up by the big hole in his hand since Inuyasha and Kagome never showed up again.  
  
Sango discovered that she, too, was a lesbian and that was why she never showed any interest in the perverted monk. I mean, even Kagome showed interest in him once. Although she was rather drunk at the time. . .  
  
Anyway, Sango and Kaede are living happily together.  
  
With the help of those "Miko Powers," they should be expecting their first child in December.  
  
Naraku accidentally blew himself up.  
  
Don't ask.  
  
Shippou died from starvation. Don't ask. It, too, is a long story.  
  
Kouga got over his obsession with Kagome. He is now obsessed with Sesshoumaru. Fluffy ain't happy.  
  
Some people lived happily ever after.  
  
Some just died.  
  
And some blew up.  
  
This, my friends, is why you should never wear cheap perfume.  
  
Oh, and don't play with matches either.  
  
`~@~`~@~`~@~`~@~`  
  
Thank you, please review and tell me what you think. Mind you, this was just, well, random on my part. 


End file.
